Sunday, 19 September 2010

Cereal

I made the classic mistake the other day of going to the supermarket hungry. As everyone knows, this is asking for trouble. However, as a rower, this is not just a bad idea but a VERY BAD IDEA.

Now, I knew I was hungry (obviously), so I took the precaution of making a shopping list before hand to stop me buying 5kg slabs of bacon, giant battenberg cake or something else similarly stupid:

Simples.
I figured this was foolproof.

I returned home with this, and only this:

I mean, seriously.


Also, there are only baskets in the Cambridge Sainsbury's, meaning I was walking round the store balancing a stack of cereal boxes that was taller than my head with one hand while carrying a basket full of apples with the other. This is a great way of attracting attention to yourself. I recommend it.

In my defence, there were lots of half price offers (£1.23 for 600g of Cheerios? Yes please!) And I was being indecisive. Veeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyy indecisive.

Making it home with my purchases (a road bike + many boxes = fun times!), I was disappointed to find out that Shredded Wheat no longer declare “Bet you can't eat three!” on their packaging. This upset me as I always could (easily) eat three and then could feel a little smug for a while feeling like I'd outwitted the people at Nestl√© or something. Screw you Shredded Wheat.

Also, due to there being NO BASICS BRANFLAKES I now have Chris Hoy staring at me, telepathically telling me to STOP WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, GET ON A TURBOTRAINER AND PEDALPEDALPEDAL. Brilliant. Not only can I not outwit Shredded Wheat any more but I feel guilty eating branflakes because at that precise moment in time I'm not exerting myself in any way. That is why you should buy own brand stuff. Cut out all of this nonsense. Though Chris Hoy's thighs are fantastic and should be worshipped:

(via cyclingweekly.co.uk )
So I now have 4.7kg, or 16500kcal of cereal (which using a rough 1000kcal=18K) makes it enough to row about 300K. Woo! Oh and 37 apples, which won't get me very far at all but are tasty. Go me.

Ooo ooo ooo! Before I forget, this really freaked me out. I've recently watched "A Beautiful Mind" (about the mathematician John Nash who was plagued by paranoid schizophrenia), so, with paranoia at the forefront of my mind, imagine my horror upon opening one of the packets of branflakes and seeing this:
What. The. FUCK?!?!?!?!?
I have made myself a tin foil hat and am considering boycotting Kellogg's cereal as they are clearly using satellites to monitor my every move.

I'll be in the cupboard under the stairs if anyone wants me.

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