Monday, 4 October 2010

Intensely annoying people 1 - Train station faffers

I expect my documentation of people I find irritating to become an ongoing thing, and I'll begin with people who are really really slooooooooooooooooooooowwwwww in front of automated ticket barriers. If you don't use trains much, you probably won't appreciate just how mind-blowingly frustrating this is.

I will set the scene a little:
  • It is before 7am.
  • You have <2mins to get on your train from arriving in the station (who wants to get up earlier to hang around in Cambridge station?)
  • You have just spent a stupid amount on a ticket, so your debit card is crying a little.
My debit card should be taken into care.
 You are then confronted by this:

Yes, two women have decided to have a conversation in front of the luggagey/bikey ticket barrier. Who the hell wants to talk about X factor at that time in the morning anyway?  And can someone PLEASE explain the point of mini-ryvitas? Why don't you just take a normal one, bash it into bits and put it in a sandwich bag or something? I expect it is all to do with the current school of thought that

SMALL = CUTE AND AWESOME

When it comes to T-rexes, this is certainly not the case:
Massive over-generalisation FTW!
I must learn how to drop-kick stuff in case this ever happens.
OR
I think that proves my point. Everyone should eat normal sized ryvitas.

ANYWAY, being British, I of course didn't say anything to the offending people in my way. I just glowered in what I thought was an intimidating manner. My death ray glare obviously got through eventually and they made a move to GO THROUGH THE BLOODY TICKET BARRIER LIKE REASONABLE HUMAN BEINGS.
Of course, they had put the tickets they had bought minutes before in their purses, wrapped them in clingfilm, tin foil and sellotape and and buried them in their handbags. For safe keeping. For the 2 metre walk from the ticket machine to the barriers. 

I am starting to get what is commonly known as "seriously fucked off."

They find their tickets! Yay!!!111!!!1111!!! 

Then:

9 comments:

  1. :( :( :(

    Did you manage to catch your train?

    (also I actually think your mini T rex *is* cute and awesome. I think the bit where it goes wrong is where you drop-kick him or her.)

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  2. @ Eudoxia - good point. I should probably stop kicking things, imaginary or otherwise.

    Thankfully there are a cluster of Cambridge-Ely trains around 7am, so no harm done...

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  3. But hang on HANG ON. The big T-rex ate me. I feel justified in kicking the little one away from me as quickly as possible before it takes off one of my toes or something.

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  4. Hi Anna

    Just wanted to say that I spent the last half an hour reading all your blog entries, and have been trying to stifle giggles (I am at work!) all the way through. It is excellent! Keep it up.

    Amy
    NB Lucky Duck
    www.nbluckyduck.blogspot.com

    P.S I am a Cambridge rower (women's captain at Chesterton RC) so I feel a little of your pain - I am not nearly as hardcore as you!
    P.P.S I live opposite Goldie BH on my narrowboat, Lucky Duck.

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  5. @ Amy - cheers!

    I know a few people who would probably kill to live where you do :-> (though I bet you have to put up with a lot of half naked CUBC guys sweating over ergs every morning...)

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  6. Which I wouldn't complain about... :p

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  7. I love the blog too Anna. Do keep it up!

    What happens if someone's ineptly using the one working automated ticket machine in front of you as the clock ticks down, or exhaustively checking their railcard combinations to find the cheapest price?

    ...and the machine mysteriously accepts everyone else's card but yours...

    ...someone behind you tells you you're putting the card in wrongly...

    ;)

    Andy
    (the spannerspotter guy)

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  8. @ Andy. I would like to say that I'd do the following:
    1) The person in front of me dies (bludgeoned to death with my wallet).
    2) The ticket machine gets kicked/punched/both
    3) The advice-giving person dies, as in (1)

    but what would really happen is:
    1) I seethe silently, maybe twitching a little. My fingers turn numb from gripping my debit card too tightly. A red mist falls.
    2) The ticket machine gets kicked/punched/both
    3) They get The Stare.

    Hope that clears up everything :-D I love your website btw!

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  9. I tell people that the reason we moor opposite Goldie is for the solar panels, but I can't say that the idea of watching topless Blues boaties didn't come into the equation! (until they wake us up at 6:45 with their bangin' erging choons, that is...grr).

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