Friday, 5 November 2010

The wonders of tea

Sorry for not posting for a little while, I've been having a slight work crisis... But anyway, enough self-pity! Here is a story that has a very important moral at the end of it, so pay attention.

This is for everyone who's ever had one of those days.

Lecture fail
Work fail
Tesco value toasters only have three settings: "Burn", "Cremate" and "Spontaneously combust". I think Tesco value toasters pretty much define the phrase "false economy".

Stupid carrots. Why don't they taste nice?
I seem to be magnetically attracted to wet floor signs. I always walk into them.
Even though they're fucking BRIGHT YELLOW.

Spatial awareness fail.

FUCKING STICKY UP ROCKS. I HATE YOU.
Equipment fail.
This actually really fucked me off. I mean, you don't buy this for it to only last 8 months. Especially when in 5 of those months it never got used anyway on account of it being SUMMER. Fucking cateye Wiggle rage. I have had to emergency buy a head-torch while Wiggle sorts my stupid light out, so on the plus I do now have a kick ass head-torch. Even if I did have to spend money I don't have on said head-torch so I can actually get home from the department without dying. I blinded some pedestrians with it accidentally on the way home too. I do look a bit stupid wearing it too BUT IT'S A HEAD-TORCH and head-torches are awesome. Mainly because I can pretend I'm exploring a subterranean crystal cave or long lost tomb and I'm not just wearing it so I don't get hit by a car. But cateye bike light rage. RAAAAGGEE.

EDIT Wiggle have since sorted it and I now have a new one (their customer service is pretty bang on actually...)
Whrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrghhhhh!
Why am I always wearing a fucking white hoody when this happens ay?


:-)

Will do something more wordy + ranty + maybe funny next time. If fortran hasn't got the better of me...

EDIT: OK, either a cup of tea or a weights session. That'll make everything better. Squats always make everything better.

I'm also going to shamelessly point you in the direction of the "Homeless drawings" tab at the top of the page, in case you've not found it already. (I've just looked back over them and thought "Fuck me, these have been touched by the crazy fairy a bit haven't they?" But meh. I like chasing stuff.)

EDIT EDIT: Watch this. It is beautiful rowing. BEAUTIFUL.

EDIT EDIT EDIT: Edited to add more swears. There was nowhere near enough originally. Sorry.

9 comments:

  1. For me the definition of a false economy has always been toilet roll. The cheap stuff has the absorption levels of grease-proof paper.

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  2. Agree very strongly with your EDIT and EDIT EDIT.

    Your EDIT EDIT EDIT does make things more entertaining.

    PS BEAUTIFUL!

    PPS FRIDA SVENSSON!!!! LEGEND!

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  3. You spent 75 quid on a bikelight?!

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  4. @ Chiara: See next post (and no doubt a few posts to come!!!)

    @ Jonost: Well, it was £53 when I bought it and it is rechargeable and is bright enough to be seen from space. I used to cycle out to Ely quite a lot in complete darkness (and the Fens are DARK) so I felt it was a very wise investment (which it was until it FUCKING BROKE FOR NO REASON). I've also got an aversion to buying cheap stuff because it doesn't last, so what's the point? I mean, if you're essentially intrusting your life to something, make it good.

    Hence the boiling anger at breakage.

    WHUERRAAARRGHHHHHHH!

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  5. I have a headtorch *cool*

    Tea definintely solves everything, I have far too many cups a day, and all sorts of different types on tea.

    I'm so English!

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  6. @ Tom: We can be uber cool with our head torches together :-D

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  7. The really pro people get a tea pot. But points for the Tallis.

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  8. 'Miserere Nostri for 7 voices'

    HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD?

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  9. Oh dear god I misread that as 'lost womb'.

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